I crawl back to the craft like a raft in a sea 
of dissidents confusion and discontent 
I crawl back to the craft on all fours 
after hiding under the drape of unrequited love 
in all its hatefulness and heartache 
its breaking point 
its selling point 
its need and hunger has stifled all contemplation
I missed the opportunity to mourn for Sean Bell 
and cry at the inauguration 
like an escape hatch 
I crawl back to the craft after hiding from this small world 
and turning a blind eye to history 
the chance to seep in mystery and 
theory of a life otherworldly 
expound on wealth 
not measured by any cup 
dollar amount or material 
missed my time to soak in the ethereal 
abandoned the only gift I have ever been given 
today it has not been written 
and I’m sorry 
I crawl back to the water. 
parched and unsatisfied 
toxic and unclean 
mean in my spirit 
jaded and fading 
my existence just a transparency of everything I was blessed to be 
made a of mess of me 
I crawl back to the craft like a raft 
in a sea of complacent mediocrity 
and “I’m ok with neglect” 
looking for salvation 
and perfect peace 
the truth 
the light 
and God’s word unheard 
because I forgot how to listen with my whole heart 
selfishly only heard with 
the desires of my flesh 
and my loins 
and loneliness 
forgot how to find beauty 
in me only 
and shunned my obligation to revolt through my words I 
missed Katrina 
the good people of 
Palestine Mexico Haiti and Korea 
the children of the south Bronx 
gorgeous and lost 
I forgot how to cry for them
and I’m sorry 
cowardly and stunned
I crawl back to the craft 
like the only love I’ve 
ever known 
begging for mercy 
another chance 
shade my eyes from its disapproving glance 
I’m embarrassed and shocked 
by my selfishness 
I crawl back to the fire aching 
for the passion of resistance 
courage to walk the road less traveled 
and imitate this life 
dimmed my light 
and became shortsighted 
bowed out of the fight 
I crawl back to the craft looking for 
an extended hand 
to help me stand
and wade through ambiguity….